July, 2006 Tar Valon Times
Dear Reader,
Welcome to the July issue of the Tar Valon Times.
I've been trying to think of a way to make my letter from the editor more interesting. But really, who reads this bit? (Feel free to respond that you read it every time.) I thought maybe I could include Tower gossip. But then realized that might lose me my position, not to mention having everyone involved angry with me. Then I thought maybe I could make fun of people, you know, give other a good laugh. But then I remembered how sensitive the MDD guys are and decided I didn't want to make them cry because no one likes to see a man cry. In the end, I couldn't think of anything to make this more interesting. Sorry.
Starting next month, a new section will run called "Tower Graffiti." Want to make your mark on the Tower? Send in one or two sentences to news@tarvalon.net voicing a complaint or in praise of someone or something. Then look for your graffiti at the end of the August issue.
If you have grand ideas and want to spell them out and you know it will take more than one or two sentences to make your point, feel free to send a letter to the editor to news@tarvalon.net.
This month, the TVT welcomes Red Accepted Karalyn "Line" al'Meida to the staff. We hope she'll be useful. Please, don't send hate mail to her; I don't want her to cry.
Yours in the Light,
Adriana al'Tere
Editor
Fifteen Minutes of Fame
Compiled by Dart Marouvin
Tower Name: Velaris Ly'enn
Rank: Accepted
Member Since: June 7, 2005
RL Name: Kerrie Bliss
Age: 31
1. The food I'd die for: chocolate
2. My tombstone would say: I don't know!
3. Trapped on a desert island, I'd want: My very near-sis, Miridy, my hubby and someone else that is special to me.
4. Music genre that defines me: Rock
5. Favorite Wheel of Time character: Moiraine
6. Favorite WoT moment: When Perrin and Faile are married.
7. I'd pick this person to play me in a movie based on my life: Keira Knightly
8. Favorite Tar Valon board: Olde Warder and Hen
9. All-time favorite movie: Coyote Ugly
10. If I won the lottery, I'd: make sure my children had college money and invest the rest to make sure we never needed anything again. I would have to go visit every Tower member I could!
11. Favorite quote: "Expect the worst and all of your surprises will be good ones."
12. In five words, I am: curious, loyal, driven, hard headed, happy.
13. Most people don't know that I: am only 4 foot 9 inches tall.
14. I'd be voted most likely to: tickle.
15. Award I'll never win: Pulitzer.
X3: The Last Stand Falls Over
by Cursor Wrathwind
Going into the not-so-crowded theater to see X3: The Last Stand, I had high expectations. Riding high on the coattails of the highly successful X-Men and X2, I expected the third (and allegedly final) installment of the series to keep up with the high-octane rush and knockout performances of the first two. What I got was disappointment.
X3 does nothing short of falling on its face. The plot revolves around the resurrection of Jean Grey and the emergence of her alter-ego "the Phoenix." To the disappoint of fans of the comics, which include myself, no giant fire-phoenix makes its debut. The Phoenix turns out to be a rather dull, one-dimensional character packing only one mood: angry. While Jean Grey (and actress Famke Jansenn) struggle against this Phoenix (and to portray the poorly written alter-ego in a dynamic way), the results favor the villains.
The stellar special effects of the series are there, culminating in Magneto's transplant of the Golden Gate Bridge, but sadly this is the only aspect of the film which lives up to expectations. Other than that one positive note, the movie has little else to offer. Fans of the comics will be disappointed with the extreme deviation from the plot…at least X-Men had something original to offer and X2 stood relatively close to the Weapon-X storyline, but X3 falls off the edge of the map. Besides the extreme deviation, the storyline in itself is poorly written and hackneyed. Magneto once again tries to rally mutants in a war against humanity, rallying around the newest anti-mutant measures much as he did Stryker's actions in X2. Conflict ensues between the Brotherhood and the X-Men, adding in the element of Phoenix (which seems trivial deep into the movie), culminating in yet another climactic battle, this time on Alcatraz Island.
Finally, the acting in X3 takes a massive nosedive. While the series never had stellar acting, it at least managed to lift itself above mediocrity. The same cannot be said for X3. James Marsden (Cyclops), who cursed the trilogy with terrible acting since the first film, continues to do so, even in his brief role in X3. Anna Paquin (Rogue), who normally displays decent talent, has an inexplicably reduced and insignificant role in the film, and when we do see her, she's overly melodramatic. Jansenn (Jean Grey/Phoenix), a talented actress in her own right, struggles to be memorable with a poorly written role. Patrick Stewart (Professor Xavier), who always seemed shallow and miscast for this role, continues to disappoint. The only solid performances come from Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) and Sir Ian McKellan (Magneto), who's phenomenal in any role he plays. But a decent actor and a stellar actor cannot redeem the slew of poor acting and bad writing. X3 flops. Fans may find some solace in the appearance of the Danger Room, Juggernaut, Colossus, and Beast, but those elements seem written into the story for no other purpose…to try and keep fans from leaving an otherwise dull movie.
However, should you ignore this advice and see the movie, which I can barely give 2 stars, be aware that there is a bonus scene at the end of the credits. The Last Stand, I doubt it. But should the next installment mirror this one, I almost wish it were.
For Whom the School Bell Tolls
Karalyn al'Meida
It's midnight in the White Tower, yet throughout the novice dorms, hard white beds are empty. Is it a holiday? Is there a plot afoot? "Ha," says novice Rehteah al'Navi. "The only novices that ever get any sleep are the ones studying for the Tel'aran'rhiod class."
Huddled together in the study lounge, novices use the only free time they have to keep up with their demanding classes. "I'm trying to make up a song to help memorize all 41 Ogier steddings," says novice-extraordinaire Karalyn al'Meida. "But Qichen, Taijing, Tsofan?? I can barely pronounce them, let alone rhyme with them!!"
"When Sela Sedai said we were going to learn the Constitution backwards and forwards, I thought it was just an expression," sobs betrayed novice Chria al'Diene.
An explosion shakes the walls of the study lounge. The novices barely glance up from their studies. "That's just Noura," explains Mirandha t'Bayana, sadly shaking her head. "The weaves class started battles weaves. Poor, poor Madelaine."
As threads pop up around the city and Tower urging initiates to take classes, many may be under the mistaken impression that the current novices are lazy, idle, and disdainful of knowledge. The sad truth is many more Accepted are available to teach than there are novices to learn. Yet without complaint these intrepid novices soldier on. They study in the wee hours of the night, the room brightened only by candles lit by hand (no channeling). Their faces are grim with determination. They do not want your pity, but they deserve, nay, they DEMAND your respect.
The sun peaks over the horizon and panicked novices rush back to their essays in Old Tongue. Soon they will be expected in the kitchens. Another day is approaching.
Summer Euro Party 2006: Looking Ahead
by al'Cary Mandoragon
Summer Europarty 2006 is almost here (coming 28-30 July), and from Edinburgh to Moscow, Europe is going silly (-ier) with excitement.
This year promises to be the largest Tower event held outside North America, with over 40 people booked to attend. This number includes many members from the UK, an influx of Dutchies and Scandinavians, a handful of Americans, assorted other continentals and one lone Australian. The weekend, to be held near Skipton in the UK, is centered around a medieval style banquet, details of which are vague but presumably include illegally hunted deer (Robin Hood style), stale bread and an absence of plates, cutlery and table manners. Oh, and unlimited wine and beer, which more or less guarantees the lack of table manners in any case.
Other events also seem to be only vaguely planned, but are doubtless to include stupidly large amounts of alcohol being consumed in stupidly small periods of time, Gaidin trying to pretend that they can hit each other with sticks while unable to walk in a straight line, Aes Sedai glaring at inanimate objects that refused to admit to being balefired and bemused citizens (and Toral) wondering why everyone seems to have gone mad. Add in a slave auction, Doc trying to set a world record for number of legs humped over a single weekend, Jaim indulging his somewhat disturbing fetish for feet, Yenie testing out her newly pointy teeth and we have what will certainly be an interesting weekend, best observed from a safe vantage point some distance away. With ear protection, once Yenie gets started.
So, prepare yourself for a barrage of drunken phone calls, curse life if you missed out on a place and look forward to viewing the heavily censored results!
Book Review: The Land of Elyon
by Ciaran Trystan
The Land of Elyon, a trilogy written by Patrick Carman and published by Scholastic's Orchard Books, reads like a fairy take in the same way as the Chronicles of Narnia. Yes, it has Christian themes. No, it's not heavy handed.
Honest, it's not. In fact, it's quite fun for a younger (mentality) audience.
Book one, The Dark Hills Divide, follows the adventures of a young girl named Alexa Daley. Alexa, aided by a varied cast of characters, changes the face of her world, saves lives and her nation, and creates all sorts of warm happy feelings throughout.
Then the second book, Beyond the Valley of Thorns, begins. Things start getting serious. Alexa is called on to help combat an ancient and pervasive evil that threatens her world. The first half of this all-important quest sees the companions journeying to a nation on the far side of their world in order to rescue a national and personal hero. In freeing him they save yet another of the cast from the clutches of the evil doers, as well as liberate a nation. Fear not though! The second book ends with the companions rescuing one of their own on this jaunt across make-believe.
Book three, The Tenth City, is the culmination of the events of book two, as well as the opening for a possible new series with a few of the main characters. Of course, the good guys win, with some irrevocable losses that cause our young heroine to examine everything she ever thought was the truth about her life.
Unlike a lot of books for children, these aren't so simple as to be dull. Unlike what many conceive of Christian literature, they're not preachy. Perhaps it was reviewer's own recent experience, it was absolutely found to be uplifting. Definitely read this series to your children. Better yet, have your children read it to you over the course of a few evenings of easy going.
Top Ten List
by Dart Marouvin
Top Ten Things We Never Expected to Learn, But Wheel of Time Taught Us:
10. Red haired people actually do tan.
9. 13 isn't just unlucky, it's downright scary.
8. Those ageless celebrities – you just thought it was makeup. Ageless looking channelers are taking over the movies!
7. You can't be Accepted unless you're a girl. Looks like us guys will have to be social outcasts awhile longer.
6. And while Forsaken can be male or female, it's not just a social standing. It also means you're evil and have lots of power.
5. Dragons don't breathe fire, they balefire.
4. Having toh has nothing to do with feet.
3. The Black Tower isn't actually black.
2. Polygamy? Yeah, it's destiny. Not a choice.
1. Guess who always is right about everything. Yup, that's right! Min.
