Kids Say the Darndest Things!

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Author: Jahily al'Karee, October 2013

So I was trying to decide what to write for my next article when my son, age 4 ½, launched in to some story about a transforming robot that has all of these different colored buttons that make rainbows, super-strength, super-fast, turbo-speed, etc. I asked him where he got that from and he said that his brown puppy (stuffed toy) watches television when no one is home and told my son all about it!

So then I decided to see what other sorts of creative/funny/embarrassing stories other TarValon.net members might have about kids – and y’all did not disappoint! Thanks so much to everyone who PM’d me stories about your kids, nieces & nephews, students, etc.


Here’s what you had to say:


When my nephew was about 7 we were trying to figure out what to do for dinner. One of the options was chicken breasts. My darling little nephew said, "Hey! I like chicken and I like breasts! Let's have that!"


I was talking to my niece (she was probably about 13 at the time) about the nosering/earring combo the Seafolk wear. After I described it to her she said, "But wouldn't that hurt when you turn your head?" Me: "What do you mean?". Niece: "Won't it pull because your nose and your ears are further apart?" Me: "Uh, no. They are both attached to your head and would turn at the same time." Niece: Emote-blush.gif


I was student teaching fourth grade science. That semester, I had to teach physics, chemistry, biology, and geology to the kids, but we got to incorporate fun kid activities into the labs. (That was the reason I had to start really cleaning up my language, so I started using "Fish guts" and other Wot-isms quite a bit.) At any rate, I was in the middle of a biology session on producers (the bottom of the food chain, so think trees, grass, shrubs, etc) when I noticed one of the kids starting to get bored. I always tried to include those kids more in the lecture. So I said, "Can you name a producer that nobody else has named yet?"

My big mistake there was that I had assumed he knew the definition of producer. He asked what a producer was. One of the students in the front (the Hermione Granger type, but she often left out things) blurted out that a producer was green and outside--the typical nine-year-old answer to the question.

So the kid looks out the window......looks out the window......and looks out the window some more. Finally, he answered "Um......the slide?"

Their playground slide was green.....and it was outside!


"I like to eat my chocolate straight, thanks." 2 yr old girl, picking chocolate off her baguette.


"I like helicopters. Helicopters have propellers. Propellers spin. Propellers spin around and around around around around around around around really fast." (complete with spinning hand motions) 2 yr old boy


When my son was about 7 or so, he got a new pair of work boots like his dad's. So he asked me, "Mom, do we need to put that stuff on them?" I said, "What stuff?" He said, "You know.... weasel wax." I was like "What?" He said, "Um, ferret juice?" Then the light bulb came on over my head and I said, "OH... MINK OIL??"

Then, my good friend one day dropped something and she said, "JesusMaryandJoseph". My son said, "Um, who is Mary Ann Joseph?"


He's really gotten funny, and is big into repeating whatever he hears. This often bodes poorly for me. And, a lot of the things he says aren't really funny when relayed later... his tendency to repeat "Please do not open boxes" for no apparent reason for example. We read that on a sign at a store a few weeks ago, and now he just shouts it any time he sees a sign.

But, last week we were in the car, and he is strapped into his car seat. Suddenly he got really upset for no reason that I could tell. When I asked him what was wrong, he started crying. "Car seat have gas!"


One time when visiting my brother, we were relaxing around the coffe table watching TV, when his son (age 3 at the time) drove a small toy car over the wooden top of the table. A line had been scratched into the surface, to which my brother sternly reprimanded his son; "Look at what you've done!" Without missing a beat, and completely undaunted by the fact that all three of us had seen him do it, my nephew raises his hand, toy car still in hand, and points at his dad, brows furrowed; "No, it was YOU!" Me and my brother looked at each other and burst out laughing, charmed by the sheer nerve.


A couple of weeks ago, my son laughed at something I said, rather than something someone did, for the first time. The next day, he then repeated it back to me, with the clear expectation (a smirk! complete with raised eyebrow!) that I would find it funny and laugh. (And, of course, I did.)

Ladies and gentleman, my son has deliberately, successfully told a joke. At the age of 15 months. That joke? The single word, "Poo."


Research has long shown that children with active imaginations, imaginary friends and such, tend to be more creative and have good social skills. Imaginary play can also help children deal with stressful situations. So keep encouraging your children and the children around you to use their imaginations; and remember to take time to listen to their stories – they come up with some pretty good stuff!