Knife of Dreams Release (Humor)

Author: Murasaki al'Aevon

“Yes! The latest Wheel of Time book! Number eleven, Knife of Dreams. Robert Jordan, you are my hero. My very slow, creepy-looking hero.” I proceed to hug the precious . . . my new book . . . against my chest. I cracked open the book and inhaled the incense. New book smell. The essence of life. Like saidar, the scent filled me, and I embraced it. I took a deep breath and lifted the crisp, un-bent, fully attached, glossy cover to my lips and kissed it. “Thank you, RJ. . . Oh I wonder what I shall RAFO in this instalment. . .”

Excitedly, I walked to the check out counter and set my WOT on the counter gently. I paid for my merchandise and grabbed the precious quickly, before the mean bagging lady could put it in one of those ugly plastic bags.

“I don’t want Rand to suffocate... Well, only because he is the Dragon Reborn. He needs to live. I especially don’t want Perrin to suffocate. He’s the man in the story.”

Once more I breathed in the new book smell deeply. As I noticed the arched eyebrow of the mean bagging lady, I thought she reminded me of Moiraine. What if she was Aes Sedai? Quickly, I gave a curtsy and hugged the book to my chest and hurried toward the door. I don’t think that the mean bagging lady would have balefired me, but with the seals so weak, and the Dark One and all, I did not want to risk it. She could be Black Ajah or Forsaken!

I let out an “Eep” at the thought and hid behind a bookshelf.

“Wow. Did you see her? What a freak. She . . . like . . . totally . . . curtsied to one of the employees.”

“I know. She’s like . . . so totally nerdy.”

They were voices from the other side of the bookshelf. From reading the Wheel of Time, I have acquired many awesome deductive reasoning skills. I determined that I was the nerd to which they were referring. I crept closer to the voices.

“What is that dumb series she’s obsessed with?”

“Um. . . Tire of Clocks? Something like that . . . it’s dumb.”

Disgusted and angry, I crept away, toward the door. I waited, reading the enormous prologue and glancing at the Darkfriends occasionally, just as Lan had taught me. Eventually, they headed toward the door, Mary-Kate and Ashley, Sleepover Friends, and YM Magazines in hand. Exit Darkfriends. They stood by the door socialising and I took my opportunity.

I scurried past the Black Ajah bagging lady quickly for fear of my hide. . . Maybe it was Nynaeve that she reminded me of? Anyway, the girls were having a good chat and enjoying themselves immensely. I snuck over to the door.

SLAM!

Pancake face! I got the pretty one with dark eyes and blonde hair in the face with the door.

“So sorry, I didn’t see you. Peace and the Light favour you all.”

I hurried away while they consoled their sobbing friend.

“Ohmahgosh! Your lipstick is smeared! But . . . it still looks okay.”

I called to them as I ran away, cuddling my Knife of Dreams, “May you always find water and shade!”